A blog has been on my heart and I wanted to share. Lynn and I are sending each of you love and positive energy this weekend. Its a special time of healing across many cultures – right now we are approaching Easter and we are in Passover. Blessings to you all.
How do we deal with rejection and criticism? If you walk into a room with 100 people, and 2 don’t like you who do you focus on? If one person shares something to you or about you, how do you respond? I’ll be 100% honest: this is a huge growth edge for me. Fear of rejection and disappointing others has been a massive growth edge for me. As I explore it from a compassionate and growth-mindset perspective, I am healing decades of patterns where I can quickly go into stress, fear, and other completely non-productive bummers that annoy my wife and daughter to no end.
Just like many of you, my inner chatterbox can start singing its raucous tune telling me I am not good enough. Quickly. I am getting better every day, every way, HOWEVER, sometimes I don’t catch it for a few hours and wonder why I am a cynical, fearful grump. Oh, that.
When we have a “fixed” mindset, we assume that no one else feels the things we do or that the best teachers out there don’t make mistakes. We assume they have the “golden glow” that we don’t have. We think they are special and talented, and we are not. Thus, we tend to then avoid, push-down, or ignore our inner callings to step up, lead, be creative, or share our voice. We think talent is born, not made. We think just the “special ones” have the touch of grace, and we are meant for playing small. We are terrified of rejection, of messing up. We’ll go to any lengths to avoid humiliation. This is the fixed mind set and its one of the greatest dream killers EVER. Don’t go to your grave with your music inside you! “Most people die with their music locked up inside them” (Benjamin Disraeli).
When we do step up, I have news for you. If you bring your heart and soul and practice diligently, people will love you and you’ll help them. And some folks won’t. Some people won’t like you. You’ll make mistakes. Not everyone likes or sees the value in my work. I have made a ton of mistakes. People have unsubscribed form my blogs. Its OK. Its part of it. In a growth mind-set, this is the miracle grow on our real soul talents. For me personally, these types of rejections have been so healing to some of my greatest character flaws.
Sometimes, when we shine, we unconsciously activate others’ repressed happiness and forgotten dreams. When we are disconnected, its easier to target a shining heart than work on ourselves and bring our own gifts. One of the fastest ways to feel significant is to tear someone else down. Having a public role, bringing my dream to serve to fruition, running a large practice, becoming a coach, and playing my edge everyday has not always been easy, AND its JUST what my soul has needed to grow.
I also know I am called to love, serve, heal, and grow and I am NOT meant to wait until I am perfect to do that! Neither are you! In the fixed mindset, once we hit a setback or a rejection we want to bail because we think its proof we are not good enough. We’ll sometimes even forget all our past successes and how great Grace has been in our lives. We’ll focus on those two people in a room of 100 that don’t like our message. We forget that humiliation brings humility and humility opens the channel of the Heart for Love to flow through.
Perfectionism is a straightjacket on the Alive Life. ON the other hand, a playful attitude of Optimalism creates energy, surge, creativity, joy, growth, and real vulnerability. Optimalism is another word for the growth mindset.
The growth mindset is the antidote. In the language of ReOrganizational Healing, this is really the season of Transform into Awaken. Its the action of authentic discovery about what we are scared of, where we are hurt, and a reclamation of our purpose and passion and decision to step forward ANYWAY. It is Energy Rich and Energy Super Rich (see my other blogs on this topic). In the Growth MINDset, all setbacks, fears, hurts, rejections, and challenges are the FUEL that shoots us out of the gravitational field of limitation.
In the growth mindset we know every human being has genius living inside of them. We know that we are embedded with the seeds of Soul that inspire greatness. We know that to get those seeds to flourish and bear fruit they need to be nurtured and cultivated with love, grace, practice, decisions, obstacles, failures, success, more practice, additional practice and then more practice. The growth mindset does not see rejection, failure, or criticism as such, it sees them as amazing golden gifts to help us grow, sprout, prune our thorny branches, and cultivate an amazing garden of creativity, service, and true self-esteem.
We look at all the greats we respect in any field and all of them embody the growth mindset. I still may get my feelings hurt, I may still fear rejection sometimes, I may fall flat on my face. I may completely blow it. YET, I know its all part of the amazing path Spirit has granted to serve, love, and grow. And I know that for you, too. 100%. You are NOT alone. That is growth mindset. I know any criticism or negative feedback is a chance to learn, grow in heart and integrity, and make amends if needed. I also know its a great opportunity to say NEXT! The truth is, most of the “hateful Henrys” and the cynical critics have lost sight of their own greatness. They teach us that its NEVER personal. It teaches me to love those parts of myself, and of everyone, that feel small and rejected. I can then consciously respond in empowered kindness and MOVE ON. NEXT!
If everyone, “positive” and “negative”, is actually a secret agent working for you, for your soul’s growth, and for your own deepest happiness we need NEVER lose heart. We may get hurt, but we need not lose heart. We’ll NEVER fulfill our calling in our comfort zone. And we’ll never feel real lasting joy if we avoid our callings. Our callings are not intended to be easy. They are, however, intended to be miraculous.
Its SO helpful to find trusted advisors and great friends who can walk the Growth MINDset path with you. Our culture is a fixed mindset culture and wants to keep you there. That is why we need community, we need inspiration, and we need to let our voices be heard.
I just found out that the developer of the Growth Mindset research is an acquaintance of my dad. How cool is that?!
Check out my short video blog on this here:
We love you all and wish you the energy of your biggest most beautiful Life ever. We are sending you energy, that we may all RISE UP! RISE AND SHINE!
Dr. Matt Lyon