Keeping the Faith When Things Fall Apart
You made a decision in your soul to make a change for the better. Maybe you started care at the Network Wellness Center of Charlotte. Maybe you have even started working with a trusted guide or healer. Perhaps you are starting spiritual practices like meditation and contemplative prayer. You might be following some of the amazing teachings out there to help you transform your body and mind. Maybe you recommitted to a faith or church.
You have made a decision to make a change in your life: you are stepping up, you are stepping in, you are getting fit, you are losing weight. You are starting a business. You have decided to do deep healing work. You are starting a relationship. You are ending a relationship. You are forgiving. You are getting clean and sober.
And, maybe, everything feels like its falling apart.
You thought that your surrender would yield solace.
You figured your intention would stoke inspiration.
Your imagined effortless intuition.
You surmised a world always smiling back at you.
Sometimes that happens.
Mostly it doesn’t.
Standing up and stepping up often invites unseen opposition from within and without. Its OK. As you’ll see, its a good sign.
Don’t worry. Take a deep breath, you are going to be OK.
There is an ineffable wisdom in Nature…it knows just what we need. We usually don’t.
In order to create new energy for your life and your future, everything from your past that does not resonate with Who you Really Are has to die off the branch. Relationships, friendships, teachers, jobs, homes, beliefs, faith, professions – it might all go through big changes. Sometimes its more subtle, sometimes its more in your face. Either way, its a good sign. As Pierre Tielhard de Chardin “for Life to remain Alive, It must be constantly changing.”
Everything and anything that doesn’t match your truest self must be pruned. This is the only way your springtime buds can blossom. The old people, places, and things that don’t resonate with your Soul NOW, will have to fall away. To your old self, it can feel excruciating and scary. Sometimes it feels like it will never end. It can feel very frustrating because we often choose change to create more peace and stability. Life is not linear. There is a method to the Divine Madness.
Deep breaths. You are right where you are supposed to be. This is the alchemy of liberation.
Like a Persian rug, the process only makes sense when you “Turn it Over.” On the back side of the Persian rug, there is no beauty. In fact, it often looks chaotic. When you turn it over, when you view it from a whole new perspective, you can see the magic of the Weaving. You can see the Genius of the Weaver. Shift perspective. Shift perception. Shift focus. It will never make sense from your past.
The periods of unrest, chaos, and destabilization are the requisite stage of undoing, of pruning, and of fertilizing you so the new seeds can flourish. You can’t plant tulips in the desert. You can’t cultivate corn in winter. If you have made a decision to surrender and Live fully, don’t worry. The Universe has no problem turning your life into a beautiful garden. You must, however, understand that the Gardner knows how the process works and more likely than not, you don’t. If you are your own physician, you have a fool for a physician. “Resign as your own teacher, for you were poorly taught.” (A Course in Miracles).
This is your initiation into real mastery, into being a master of the Heart, to actually becoming what you showed up here to be.
What is asked of us is TO STAY THE COURSE and keep reaching out for help and cultivating new energy rich sources of nourishment.
One of my heroes, Padre Pio, always used to tell people, “Pray. Hope. Don’t Worry.” He knew. The Awake ones always do.
All that Love wants is your Yes. Your consent. Your essence. All Love needs is your scrappy imperfect courage to take that next step. Love never needed or wanted you perfect. Love’s glory is made manifest in making the broken whole. What good does it do to perfect perfection?
Rumi, as translated by my friend and teacher Andrew Harvey, said it this way:
The grapes of my body can only become wine After the winemaker tramples me. I surrender my spirit like grapes to his trampling So my inmost heart can blaze and dance with joy. Although the grapes go on weeping blood and sobbing “I cannot bear any more anguish, any more cruelty” The trampler stuffs cotton in his ears: “I am not working in ignorance You can deny me if you want, you have every excuse, But it is I who am the Master of this Work. And when through my Passion you reach Perfection, You will never be done praising my name.”
When I made a decision last year to change EVERYTHING, I figured it would be an easy cake walk. After 15 years of exceptionally hard work personally, spiritually and professionally I knew I had to radically change my path. I was at a crossroads. My life, in its current version, was no longer working. From the outside I had it all. On the inside I was suffocating.
I was done. I knew there was a better way, I just didn’t know what it was. I made big changes and leapt fully into the unknown.
I knew it would be challenging, but I had NO IDEA how difficult.
When I said YES to love, Love began to systematically prune my life in such a way that I seriously wondered if I would make it through. People who I thought were always loving and supportive turned out to not be. Relationships I was certain of began falling away. People I thought I thought I could trust turned. All my old ways of “getting through” stuff stopped working. I had to experience a physical healing crisis that rocked me to the core. Its like 100 10,000 watt light bulbs turned on in my life and I could see every unresolved energetic dust bunny. Some days, it felt like my spirit was breaking. I hit my knees literally and figuratively. There were many prayers and many tears.
One night, after having had a long talk with one of my closest spiritual advisors about the Dark Night of the Soul (a well known expert on the subject), I actually ended up in the Emergency Room with intense chest pain and arm pain. I felt like I was being ripped open. I thought I might die in that ER. I was being unzipped, and a part of me did in fact die. Thank God. I was getting receiving Divine Open Heart surgery. I realize that may seem like hyperbole, but its exactly how it felt.
At the time it was a trough of trouble I never wanted, but looking back I see the miracles powerfully and lovingly at work. During my pruning and molding there were times when it felt like I was being ripped apart – literally. Physically, mentally, and spiritually it was akin to being put in a cosmic blender and frappe’ed.
Yet, The relationships that ended had needed to go for years. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically I was getting clearer and healthier than I had been in years. The projects that fell apart and fell on their faces were taking me down a path of ego and destruction, I just could not see it at the time. They needed to end. The Dark Night was cutting the cords. The beauty of the process can often only be seen after the fact.
Sure, I felt smashed to bits, but I could begin to see evidence that the Master Puzzle Solver was weaving things back together in a mosaic of magic and miracles that I could not have dreamed of. Expect the unexpected.
Spirit was doing for me what I was unable to do for myself. I could not see it then, I was being airlifted and escorted into a whole new life.
Looking back, the pruning was PERFECT. In order to make room for a whole new ocean of energy, I had to completely let go of who I was. God knows, I would have hung on. God had to do the heavy lifting and cut those cords.
When we desire a whole new level of stability in our lives, we have to cross the chasm of instability. From a quantum perspective, this interval of instability is completely necessary to birth something new. The interval of chaos is needed to flood the situation with a HUGE blast of energy so that you can make a quantum leap – a shift you could have never imagined and farther than you ever dreamed.
You can’t experience a brand new future and a whole new life in any way that is familiar. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be brand new! Innate Intelligence is going to have to get you in a whole new way, in ways you least expect, so that you can experience the Energy that blows away all your expectations, the Energy that creates worlds.
Everything in life that is not a “vibrational” match to who you really are MUST fall away. If we know the game, we can play and its not so painful. It can become an exciting journey. It becomes a mystical massage. When we resist, however, it can be exhausting, and terrifying. Resistance is the killer.
If you find yourself in the process, stay true, stay grounded, and keep saying yes. Keep turning with complete humility to a Power greater than yourself, your past, your body. Surround yourself with a few trusted people. I am so fortunate to have some amazing and deeply realized teachers and a couple close friends. These are invaluable resources.
In truth, you can’t ever “lose” anything. The one Real force in life is Love, it is the literal Glue that keeps this whole comos together. What we will lose are all the self-imposed barriers to the awareness of Love’s presence. All we lose is who we never really were and what we gain is Soul Stamina, love, healing, belonging, joy, and peace.
The journey is highly individualized for each of us in order to optimize our learning. There are no mistakes, and the timing is perfect. You are right where you are supposed to be. It is the journey of unbecoming who we never were. The beautiful, holy, and sacred journey of becoming the best, most true, most authentic version of ourselves. The journey of participation in this Holy River of life.
When we do that, we literally change the world. We flood the world with love and subtlety and kindness. We are healed as we heal, we find our selves to be Love as we give love. We are grateful for everything and we wouldn’t change a thing. As our hearts open, we give others silent permission to do the same. Its the Divine Domino Effect.
Network entrainments and SRI are some of the most powerful tools I know of to assist us in fully embodying this process. The 12 Stages of healing are one of the most accurate and helpful practices to assist us in aligning with Soul.
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