The very thing we want to run from is often the very thing that could save our life, heal our mind, and bring us back to truth.
The very thing we often avoid is the very key back to the Kingdom of peace.
The answer to our prayers often comes in a distressing disguise, and then we turn the other way and run.
We avoid, we suppress, we redirect. We become slippery with truth, and our limited, blind, and immature agenda eclipses the Sun of Love that is trying to shine on us. I’m all about self esteem, and I am also a fan of the striking power of humility that cuts through ages of nonsense, self-absorption and magical thinking.
Imagine you asked for million dollars. You heard a promise that it would come, and you believed it that the check would come. However, you were told that you would not know who would bring it, when it would come, or what form it would come in. The promise, the Sacred contract, the Divine agreement is that it would come. Your job would be to watch and be present for all possibilities. Your job would be to say YES.
Like all of us, you fall asleep in your life and your thoughts become your reality. We believe our thinking and get lost in it. Its a sad, lonely prison, really. And we put on the very glasses that drown out seeing things as they are. We have “noise-canceling” headphones on that drown out the Message.
Thus, when the messengers with your check start to show up you miss them entirely. Worse, we dismiss them. You ignore that which does not fit your small and personal expectations for “how things are supposed to be”. Then, to fill the void, we look for love in all the wrong places. We eat the appetizer white bread and we are too full of deadly carbs to be nourished by the nourishing Entree. The nagging sense of aloneness, fear, and disconnection festers. Our fear and the lies that fear concocts further amplify a sense of separation. The sense of separation kickstarts the seeking. Seeking, but not finding. Never finding. We end up, then, doing our best to survive on scraps of love and fleeting moments of happiness. Yet, we never thrive, our heart blossom does not bloom. We wander as hungry ghosts, eating and eating and eating and yet nothing really sinks in. We never “get it”. We never remember that beyond all the fleeting ups and downs of life we are blips of a wave in an Ocean of Spirit.
All the while, your check is trying to make it into your heart’s bank account. It came as a Postmates delivery person, but you turned him away. It came as a US Postal worker, but you ignored her. It came as your child, but you overlooked her. It came as a healer, but you had your deep seated agenda. It came as a teacher, but alas you were too busy to do your homework. It came as the homeless man on the street, but that, you argue, could never be it. Day after day Spirit was seeking you out, speaking to your heart, singing into your ear. And we ignore. We repress. We suppress. We long and yearn and search. How we long. And how we believe the noise between our ears. Your Friend is speaking to you, but your giant Bass Headphones of endless thinking are blocking the sweet music your Friend brings.
In this love story, in this epic story of how beautiful you are, Love will not fail. Love can never fail. And because Love loves so much it will send a back hoe through your living room if It needs to. It will take a bulldozer through your front door if that is what Love needs to do. To get you to sit down. To shut up. To finally listen. To see you are so loved. That you can finally stop your mad chase. To get you to finally end the Emmy award winning drama of your narcissistic stories of nonsensical fear.
That bull dozer is often the thing we fear the most. That back hoe through your living room is often pain in its myriad of forms. The very thing that will bring us to our….knees. Imagine the most persistent lover, the most generous friend, the most audacious and bold Beloved. It will never give up. Love never gives up on you.
Finally, that check for $1 Million comes in the last form you think it would come in. It came as pain. It came as the interruption in your life you did not want. And in that moment there are two choices: stay with it and get the lesson, or continue the maddening search for “something else”, anything to make the pain go away. Surely, if Love is true, shouldn’t it be easy? Shouldn’t it be sweet? Shouldn’t it fulfill our petty and narcissistic desires and fit our template for what life should be? No. Because Love is love, She will do whatever is necessary to take the broken and foggy glasses of your perception, slap you into the present moment, and hug you so hard you can’t breathe. Loves job is to bring the sacred death of self. Only a fool would tell the gardner to stop tilling the soil and pruning the bushes. Only a fool would tell the chef to stop cutting the onions and crushing the turmeric. Resurrection is always proceeded by the sweetest death.
The Real Life often is birthed is a terrifying crucible of crisis. The envelope with your $1 Million dollar check will sometimes be handed to you by the Pain Reaper. If you’ll stay with it, though, the reaper will take off her cloak and will reveal to you Beauty, compassion, and kindness beyond measure. Life will show you, if you will just stop and have tea with her, an infinite, immense, and immanent kindness. And her love will blast you wide open into a 5th dimension of life you never could dream of. You’ll become Love Itself.
The Promise of Pain endures and for all of human history has been one of the greatest teachers. It is The Surgical Knife that can cut ever so skillfully through our immaculate masks of deception and ego.
The Promise of Pain is this: “If you listen to me, I’ll set you free. If you allow me in, I’ll teach you where you went astray. If you stay with me, I’ll unwind the knots that distort your thoughts. I’ll remodel the old polluted and toxic walls of your heart. I’ll show you love and dignity and courage and strength you never knew. You will rise up. You’ll rise again. You’ll see me as friend forever. I only become suffering in your mind. I only become suffering if you run from me. When my carpentry is complete I’ll leave you, polished and shining. I’ll come to pay you a visit when you need my kiss. As you radiate Love and reverberate with the deepest honesty, you’ll need me less and less. Your authenticity will pay your passage across the River of Truth. Yes, I am pain, and this is my promise. I am Love’s disguise.”